What’s it like being queer in Engineering?
Why is it that every time I tell people I’m a Software Engineer, they’re surprised? Is it cause I’m both queer and of Polynesian decent? Is it cause I am not a white heterosexual man? Being a woman immediately puts me in the minority having taken up only 13% of engineers here in New Zealand. Does gender really matter? Apparently so. Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee reported that gay men were 12% less likely to step into jobs in STEM fields. STEM stands for Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics in case you didn’t know. The Ministry of Business Innovation and Employment has predicted a 2.3% increase in the employment rate every year till 2028 here in New Zealand. With a median salary of $85,000 annually and an abundance of jobs worldwide, the gap doesn’t just exist for gender, but sexual orientation as well.
Do me a favour and google what the “opposite of queer” is. Now tell me, what did you find. Normal, conventional, and ordinary. Words I would never use to describe science or technology.
At a young age, I loved science, and solving problems and I wanted to help people. I also knew that around the same age, I was gay. It was a bit tricky growing up in a Christian household. You were brought up knowing that how you felt was wrong and for so long I hid this part of me. The best part of me.
Here’s a little timeline of my journey as a queer woman in tech, how I overcame adversaries, discrimination, and the tough lessons I had to learn along the way. I don’t know who needs to read this but I hope that this timeline/my story not only empowers you to embrace your most authentic self but challenges you to make a difference, big or small.
2017
Second to last year of university, just landed my first internship as a software development intern at New Zealand’s largest retailer, Foodstuffs. This began in November and was the first time I had moved out of home. Auckland isn’t exactly big but when you’re just an island girl from Hamilton, it’s big business. The first day of the internship went well, everyone seemed nice but I still felt weird. No queer vibes from any of the other interns and although we had the common ground of leaving home for the internship, I still felt alone. I always felt uneasy when my peers assumed my sexual orientation. Questions like, “Do you have a boyfriend”, “Do you think that guy is cute?”. I always felt uneasy answering and always tried to get around addressing the questions directly. Why? Because I was afraid. I was afraid of how they would behave or treat me after knowing. It was tough. Until one day, I decided to be brave, and reply with the truth the next time they asked. After doing so, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. In fact, it was celebrated and I felt a lot more me than I did in a long time. It pays to be honest no matter how difficult it can be. Sometimes I still find it hard but if 2017 taught me anything, it was to believe and be honest with yourself and who you are. Sure some may ridicule and hate you for it but it doesn’t matter because I wouldn’t change me or you for the world.
2018
Finally graduated from university, finished up my internship at Foodstuffs, and started my first salary job. Girl boss shit, am I right? The job was at a mature start-up called ezyVet which provided a veterinary software management system. I was the only female developer among 30 or so males. I guess you could say I was used to this by now, studying computer science at university but it was always difficult. I always felt like the odd one out. There was this one developer at ezyVet and for the sake of discretion, I will be using an alias. His name was Mike and he hated me. Just hated me. Was it cause I was a female? Or was it cause I was gay? Like any other developer working at ezyVet, I deserved to be there. I worked hard, I always did my best and every day, I pushed myself to be better. Eventually, I became one of the most performing developers in my team, scoring the number of points allocated for the entire team in a single sprint. I’m not saying this to be boastful but to remind you that you are powerful and deserve just as much opportunity as anyone else. Unfortunately, you will always have people like Mike. People who discriminate against you because of what you are to them, who you are. People who will talk down on you and treat you like you’re nothing. Regardless, I want you to keep showing up for yourself, keep pushing for your goals, know that you are worth it, and stand your ground. Good things will follow.
2020
It’s been 2 years now since starting my first salary job, I’ve won some and lost even more. It’s November and I’m leaving ezyVet to work at an exciting new telecommunication start-up in Parnell called SpokePhone. This time joining the company as the majority with 80% of the development team being female. What are the odds right?! Dreams do come true. Coming from a monolith to a distributed system was pretty amazing too. With a new programming language, a new way of thinking, and lots of new problems to solve, things were starting to look up. With an incredibly open and collaborative team, I finally felt valued. Being able to express myself as a queer woman from the get-go and touch different avenues in software development was amazing. Previously working for a big tech company, there was always pressure to do things fast and you were measured not just by speed but by a whole set of other KPIs. There were no Mikes at SpokePhone too, or well at least as far as I know. The lesson here is simple. It does get better and to be honest it will only get better.
Finding your place is hard and sometimes it really fucking sucks. However, being the minority and in my case being the double minority in engineering is the best thing you can be. At least in my opinion. When teams are more diverse, they are much more likely to solve problems and innovate new ideas. So we must continue to celebrate our differences, embrace them, and empower others to do the <same/>.
